#5: Accidentally slices his throat open after deciding to shave with a Batarang because he thought it would look “hardcore” and impress Catwoman.
#4: Heroically leaping off a building with a specially-constructed Joker-bomb in order to save a gang of scrappy orphans whom he had teamed up with to solve some child-related crimes. Amongst said orphans are, of course, many undercover Teen Titans; Wonder Girl had found herself drawn toward one orphan boy in particular - Tobias, his name was, and he had a pure heart that blinded her to his terrifying disfigurement and oddly Cockney accent. It had been Tobias who had discovered the bomb and, seeing Wonder Girl’s look of horror at the thought of Tobias being blown into hundreds of ugly pieces trying to defuse said bomb, Batman grabbed it out of his stubby hands and swan-dived off the building. His last thoughts before his death: “Nothing is more important than two kids’ dreams in this crazy mixed-up world. Nothing!”
#3: Having been forced to use a gun, Batman realizes that he has betrayed one of his core beliefs and commits Bat-suicide in the privacy of his Batcave. His body is discovered by faithful butler Alfred, who immediately claims the mantle of the New Batman despite his advanced age. Batman comics are cancelled within six months, following the controversial Early To Bed storyline.
#2: The final man alive, Batman has survived not only three nuclear holocausts but also the passing of seven centuries since his birth. He saved humanity countless times, led the Green Lantern Corps in their most noble battle and trained Kamandi to survive in the World That’s Coming (No, wait, wrong Kirby). As the last children of Earth ascend into the skies to fulfill their celestial destiny, Bruce Wayne pulls off his cowl for one last time, sheds one final tear and dies.
#1: In a story in his own comic, and not in a big crossover event book that didn’t even advertise the fact in its solicitations before offering one of the most unconvincing death scenes we’ve seen in a superhero comic ever for people who know their Forever People. Just sayin’.
Content © Graeme McMillan, 2008.
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I have no idea if #4 is referencing anything in particular, but boy does it nail the tone of these Bob Haney The Brave & The Bold stories I’ve been reading…
Either way, each of these is hilarious and dead-on in its way.