(Because you, uh, almost demanded it? Okay, you didn’t - unless your name is Jeff Lester, in which case you totally did. But I digress.
(At last year’s San Diego Comic-Con, I ended up covering the Eisner Awards for io9.com; you can find the official post here, written in the weirdy sleep-deprived state that you end up in when you’re at con for more than two days, but these are the notes I took throughout the ceremony proper… well, until the battery on my laptop died, anyway. They’re unedited for the most part - I took out Kate’s snarky commentary to save her blushes - and, if nothing else, a good document of my then-increasingly odd mindset.)
EISNERS
20th Awards - sponsored by The Spirit movie. People applaud.
Jackie Estrada introduces Bill Morrison, MC for evening. Keynote speaker is Frank Miller.
Frank Miller is old man. “If we ran cartoons on this, just to get rid of extra paper, maybe kids would buy ‘em” - He’s really doing origin of Will Eisner’s career? Oh shit. “This is my first opportunity in a very, very long day to talk about comic books” Applause. Old SDCC was “as if there were these figures huddled together with torches, holding onto artform they think might be forgotten.” Eisner took the medium forward with Contract With God (1st OGN) “Will never stopped giving in this field”. He’s drunk “straddision continues”? Biggest danger with improved audience is “splitting of focus”: “If you’re trying to do comic books: Forget the movies, forget the games. Don’t try to do three things at once. Give me a really good comic book.” Walks off. WTF?
Jackie Estrada’s back, talking about who votes for awards. She’s very dull. Also, she didn’t want to try and dress up?
Bill’s back. Can we start the awards now? Or at least do some songs like the Oscars? Oh, but there is weak comedy! And magic tricks! Entertainment weeps in pain.
Tom Lennon and Ben Garant (Reno 911) present. “Normally when people say that ‘if you’re nominated, then you’re a winner.’ Usually that’s bullshit. But tonight, everyone who’s nominated as best penciler/inker really is a winner, because you’ll go home with a George Foreman grill. Cash value may be higher.”
Best Penciller/Inker or Penciller Inker Team: Pia Guerra/Jose Marzan Jr. for Y The Last Man. Awesome! She’s very happy. She’s crying. It’s just like the Oscars! But the bad part!
Best Painter/Multimedia Artist: Eric Powell for The Goon: Chinatown. He has a pointy beard.
Best Cover Artist: James Jean. Yes, Goddammit. He jogs to the stage and looks very relaxed. “This may be getting a little bit old by now.” Is he complaining about winning so much? Bad form, James.
Tom and Ben have left. Aww. Back to Bill Morrison. Hey, it’s Paul Dini and Misty Lee! One of those odd “Well, he must make her laugh” couples. Poor magic tricks! The crowd goes mild.
Best Colorist: Dave Stewart. Kate: He looks like George Lucas. He’s very nervous.
Best Lettering: Todd Klein. It’s like the obvious part of the night. Who didn’t expect Todd to get this? It’s like the Todd award. He sounds so funny.
Best Anthology: 5, Fabio, Gabriel, Becky, Vasilis Lolos, Rafael Grampa. Fabio’s speech: I love comics. I’ve always wanted to do comics. I always want to do comics. Gabriel has rambly speech. “Comics are, like, so important to us.” Oh God, he’s getting emotional. Also, “Eel Weisner” is the best spoonerism to say at this event.
Mark Evanier and Jerry Robinson present Bill Finger for Excellence In Comic Book Writing. Jerry: “Bill Finger was the most talented comic book writer of our time. Our time was fifty years ago.” Ouch. Jerry Robinson doesn’t know when to stop talking. He’s like your amiable but worrying uncle.
Bill Finger Posthumous Award: Archie Goodwin. Well deserved. Archie’s widow makes a joke about getting award through airport security. She is awesome for that, no matter how nervous she is while talking to a crowd.
Bill Finger Still Alive Award: Larry Lieber.
Sam Jackson presents awards. PEOPLE GO NUTS.
Best Single Issue: JLA #11 by Brad Meltzer and Gene Ha. Seriously? Brad Meltzer: “This award is for the losers, all of the freaks and all of the geeks.” Oh, Brad with your nerd love. Thanks Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel. “I believe that ordinary people can change the world!” Oh, Brad. Again.
Best Limited Series: Umbrella Academy. Gerard Way is such a fucking geek. “Me and my kid brother, we used to grow up. Well, everyone used to grow up.” I kind of like him more now.
Best Continuing Series: Y The Last Man. Pia’s back up. Less emotional. Wait, she’s losing it again.
Tom Kenney - Voice of Spongebob Squarepants - presents awards. He’s very funny, but sounds very like Spongebob even when talking normally.
Best Publication for Kids: Mouse Guard wins. Somewhere, Mice Templar people are sad.
Best Publication for Teens: Laika! AWESOME.
Special Recognition: Please Matt please Matt. Chuck BB for Black Metal.
William Stout presents Russ Manning Award. Why are they playing “The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades”? Even William mentions it. Seriously, was someone bored?
Russ Manning Most Promising Newcomer: Cathy Malkasian for Percy Bloom.
Dana Wheeler Nicholson? and Al Jaffee present next set of awards.
Best Archival Collection/Project - Comic Strips: The Complete Terry And The Pirates, Vol. 1. Sadly, Milton Caniff cannot be here to collect the award, being dead. WHO IS THIS CRAZY HOBO ON STAGE? Dean Mullany, apparently.
Best Archival Collection/Project - Comic Books: I Shall Destroy All The Civilized Planets by Fletcher Hanks. Editor Paul Karasik: “I’d like to thank my mom, but when I came up with the idea to collect all these classic strips she told me I was nuts. So, I’ll skip her.” A great speech about the power of the bastard.
Best Humor Publication: Perry Bible Fellowship
Rutu Modan and someone else presenting
Best US Edition of Intl Material: I Killed Adolf Hitler by Jason. Kim Thompson collects award.
Best US Edition of Intl Material Japan: Tekkonkinkreet: Black and White
Joe Ferrara introduces Spirit of Retailing Award. This is going to be about Rory. Sad.
Comic Book Retailing goes to Brave New World. Owners are very emotional.
Sergio Aragones presents Hall of Fame Inductees
Daily comic strip is “undaunting”? I don’t think that’s what you mean, my friend. Wait, you’re doing “married to a nymphomanic” comparisons?
STOP TALKING OLD MAN STOP TALKING STOP TALKING
John Broome gets inducted, Mike W Barr collects. Mike Barr is round.
Arnold Drake gets inducted. Jerry Robinson collects.
Barry Windsor-Smith gets inducted. Gary Groth collects. Groth’s face is incredibly smug and punchable.
Len Wein should get a better photo. He’s getting inducted as well, those. WHAT THE FUCK IS HE WEARING? You know why it’s a surreal experience for you, Len? Because of that outfit.
In Memoriam - It really has become the Oscars. But the depressing crappy part.
Jane Weidlin presents awards. Somewhere, Charlie is squeeing. She’s not here! This is awesome! Bill Morrison is trying to vamp with a dull story. Weidlin arrives with stormtroopers. HOLY CRAP.
Best Comic-Related Periodical: Newsarama. GO MATT BRADY.
Best Comic-Related Book: DOUGLAS WOLK!
Best Publication Design: Process Recess 2
When winners are announced, Stormtroopers stomp their feet. Also: Weidlin saying “Get these motherfrakking snakes off this motherfrakking plane”? Fail.
Len Wein, Joe Staton presenting.
Best Writer: Ed Brubaker: “I was texting somebody because I was so sure I wouldn’t win. I’m gonna get out of here, Brian K. Vaughan should’ve won. Don’t you guys know who Joss Whedon is? I mean, Jesus Christ.”
Best writer/artist: Chris Ware - Rebecca Rosen? collects. And is twelve years old.
Best writer/artist humor: Eric Powell. Should’ve been Brandon.
Content © Graeme McMillan, 2008.
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