Think About Your Troubles
I am caught in a moment of reflection.
Actually, that’s not true; it’s like a few days of reflection, and it’s beginning to annoy me. The one good thing about this prolonged thought process is that it’s not self-reflection; the idea of finding myself trapped on the one train track for days on end that’s all about me is enough to make me want to run screaming for the hills. No, this is comic-based reflection, and an idea that – if I can think it through, if I can understand it, if I can make it work – could be used for work somewhere (Probably in the yet-to-be-announced second new internet home, following last week’s unveiling of SpinOff Online). And so, I keep coming back to it, re-examining this half-baked theory and its orbiting debris and wondering how I can put it all together into something that makes sense and would make others believers, and it’s as if my mind has invented a whole new level of frustration.
I don’t do theory very well. It’s not the way my mind works; I am more instinctual, emotional and most importantly, illogical. It’s not that I have a problem with logic, but that I can’t really use it – I try, and it falls apart in my verbal fingers, turning into little bits that like to mock me as they fall to the metaphorical floor. As much as I wish I was smarter and my brain more sensible and straightforward enough to do this thing they call “thinking” in a more socially acceptable way, it’s not something that comes easy to me, which makes my current predicament even more of a predicament.
The worst part is, I’m almost there. It’s like my brain is driving to a particular destination, and I’ve just passed a sign that says “IDEA – 5 Miles… If you can negotiate all these unmarked sidestreets and roundabouts and diversions that we’ve put in your way. Oh, and there’s a giant radioactive bear with guns behind you. Good luck.” But I know I’m close, and that makes me want to stick with it and not just abandon it because… I’m almost there.
And so, I do other things to distract myself, hoping that all the pieces will manage to fall into place when I’m not overthinking them and trying to worry them into position. I read, and hope that I’m not overwriting important information with unnecessary X-Men stories; I check Twitter, obsessively, as if someone there will say the magic word and solve everything. And I write blog posts, to see if I can “accidentally” juggle my brain into action by pretending to think about something else for a change.
Dammit. I’ve just connected the wrong dots.
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